Around midnight I was lying with my head in my girlfriends lap watching the copy of "Man On Wire" she had generously downloaded onto her computer since I don't get along with computers.
Well, she's not really my girlfriend.
She's someone else's girlfriend.
Which I suppose makes me the other man.
Which is something I'm not used to. I never thought I would be the other man. I always figured I would be the first man. The man abandoned in favor of more masculine men with bigger feet and faster cars. But here I am, the other man, with a man's girl sticking her tongue in my ear instead of his. but I don't, and it amazes me.
I am amazed. Not only that I'm suddenly the type of man that girls leave men for, but that I don't feel guilty for being the other man. If I had ever suspected that I would be the other man, I would naturally have assumed I would feel guilty for stealing the first man's girl.
I tell myself that I don't feel guilty because I have no reason to feel guilty. Women are not property, not things to be stolen. She is here of her own free will, and this is obviously a sign that he isn't the right guy for her anyway.
But this is a bullshit reason. A fabricated justification I created so that I don't have to feel guilty about not feeling guilty.
The real reason I don't feel guilty is because I've always been the type of man who made friends with girls easily, and men who make friends with girls easily find it very difficult to make girlfriends (cliche, I know, but cliche because It's true). It has been over a year since I last had a girls tongue in my mouth and over two years since my last successful attempt at sex. Guilt can't really stand up against that much sexual frustration. So now when this man's girl sticks her tongue in my ear I'm so busy feeling triumphant that I don't have time to notice guilt. I also don't have time to notice the time. Hence my early morning post to this blog. Before I knew it it was 4 AM, and it took an hour and a half to work up the willpower to tear myself away from her and come to the library to use a computer.
Similar things have been occurring for the past couple weeks, and while I feel no real guilt over this either, I do apologize for letting rediscovered carnal pleasures distract me from my schoolwork. I realize that my teacher has a freshly captured wife which my late papers are likely keeping him away from, and I regret this, but I hope he can sympathize with me, even if he can't find it in his heart to give me grades for work turned in consistently late.
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